Submitted by anon
The other problem with the terms ‘sexuals’, and ‘demisexuality’ is that it assumes there’s some kind of sexual norm - an experience of sexual attraction that is the standard, that supposedly differentiates some people from being ‘sexuals’. This concept of normative sexuality seems to be based on ideas that [people who use the term ‘sexuals’] get from the hypersexual media, which doesn’t accurately portray real life.
Just gonna post this again, in an easily-rebloggable format, because I still see people arguing about it.
Why I Don’t Consider Demisexuality as a Valid Sexual Orientation
Inspired by a real life argument I had with a demisexual at my college.
All criticisms against demisexuality are made based on the following definition.
A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone, often (but not always) in a romantic relationship.
- IT IS SLUT-SHAMING Deep emotional connection is a societal requirement for women before they engage in sexual intercourse, otherwise they are sluts/whores. Demisexuality presents itself as an orientation that, unlike those slutty sexysexuals, they must form a deep emotional connection before they can engage in sexual intercourse, which brings me to…
- IT IGNORES BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN SEXUALITY Most human beings feel more comfortable engaging in sexual intercourse with someone when they have a deep emotional connection with that someone.
- IT IS THE SOCIETAL DEFAULT/DESIRED SEXUALITY FOR WOMEN Society constantly informs women that unless they’re have a deep emotional connection with their partner, they should not be having sex, otherwise they’re sluts. To base an entire orientation on this premise, as if it were an exception instead of the desired norm, reeks of ‘special snowflake syndrome’.
This entry highlights these points further, thus why I’ve decided to keep this entry simple. Also, there were the points I argued with the demisexual person at my college.
I have no problems with asexuality as a sexual orientation, but demisexuality doesn’t make any sense to me. Technically, I qualify as an demisexual, since I couldn’t have sex with my significant other until we were at the one year mark, because that’s when I felt we had a ‘deep emotional connection’, and I didn’t feel sexually attracted to him until that one year mark.
Yet, I can’t bear to call myself such a misogynistic, self-aggrandizing, meaningless label.
It confuses me that the asexual community on tumblr insists that queer people who aren’t asexual still have sexual privilege, and yet at the same time argue that hetero asexuals don’t have straight privilege.
attn. hetero people
Straight privilege is not about how much sex you have.
Straight privilege is not about the amount of sexual attraction you experience.
Straight privilege is not about how kinky you are.
Straight privilege is not about how you don’t identify with other hetero people.
Straight privilege is not about if you have more than one partner at once.
Straight privilege is not about the amount of romantic attraction you experience.
Straight privilege is not even about whether or not you identify as straight.
Straight privilege is not about how you, like, totally aren’t homophobic.
Straight privilege is not about that one time you stood up for your gay friend.
Straight privilege is not about you having that gay friend.
Straight privilege is about the privileges afforded to people who are not attracted to members of their own gender.
morethanprinceofcats asked: Well, first of all, you can be a demisexual lesbian. Like me. Tell me why I would need to make up being demisexual for attention?
I'm not arguing that I am oppressed for my demisexuality, or that it makes me special, or that I don't have any kind of privilege. I'm arguing that demisexuality EXISTS.
Demisexuality is normal sexuality. Why does it need a special name?
morethanprinceofcats asked: Demisexuality is asexual except when in love. It is an orientation. Learn 2 be less of an asshat. You are arguing that "demisexuality" is not asexuality. It is.
Demisexuality is “I want to be special but I don’t have any actual minority traits so I’m going to make something up.” if it were “asexual except when in love”, tell me why there are so many romantic asexuals who aren’t demisexual? Oh right, you can’t, because you’re just a special snowflake who wants to be ~*unique*~.